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Ennui

Pike Place · Seattle

(fundamental disagreements with society, etc etc etc)

17:00 / 23 March 2019
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the last days of disco

The Warehouse

Breaking Down

The Warehouse

Exposed

The Warehouse

The Shop

The Warehouse

Empty

the air was always still and thick in summer heat. it was impossible to get warm in winter. every noise from the front door to the back hall could be heard. my first studio had three leaks from the drain pipe above; the second had one from a vent that I’m pretty certain pigeons used as shelter from time to time. the cat had to be kept a secret.

strangely leaving Portland is not nearly as difficult as giving up this one place. few things have ever felt as harmonious to me as The Warehouse. our penchant for closing down the bar before playing music until dawn would be the spawn of First Friday; for a few years there was a perfect balance between my personal chaos and my living environment.

i’ve lost track as to whether my perpetual motion is out of need, habit or dependence. but I know this one place, this idea and how I’ve been a part of it, is true—something in short supply these days. my only hope in the future is that I can build something as meaningful, and not that i will look back on abandoning this ship as a grave mistake—

22:30 / 22 March 2019
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Names in Lights in Green

there’s a Version of the Internet that is fondly remembered by all who were a part of it. This Internet was the mid-90s to maybe 2001 or 2002, basically everything before Facebook and eBay. that time online was strange because everybody knew that it was cool but had no clue what it actually was. then capitalism came along.

driving around, i listen to the radio. today the DJ made a comment about buying vinyl and I just cringed; I’ve nothing against vinyl records or collecting them, but the simple fact is that listening to topics that surround consuming or purchases or advertising has become simply exhausting. So much of our day-to-day conversation in America is about money. People who don’t know anything about sports still know athletes make a shit-ton of money.

when I was growing up I used to hate the store Banana Republic, joking that they were the type of place that would charge just to breathe their air. Online, this dystopian idea of someone capitalizing on simply existing is true: you can’t click a link without somebody out there making a dime. the internet sucks now and it’s because capitalism has been let loose to consume anything meaningful in the name of profit.

16:00 / 22 March 2019
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A Splash Of Color

Red

Red

i’ve been putting some time and money into camera repair and upgrades and finally am getting months-old film processed. these, some slide film from Bordeaux and elsewhere in the south of France from last summer

Flowers

Bordeaux flowers

River

By the river

Intersection

Intersections

15:00 / 22 March 2019
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Zen Exercises

(sharpie pens are my jam these days)

13:45 / 21 March 2019
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Barking at the Birds

there was a bit on John Oliver last week about how it’s an unfortunate reality that the president is legitimately funny—that he does shit like call Tim Cook by the name Apple. and we may live in a hellscape of nationwide nervous breakdowns induced by late-stage capitalism and internet memes, but we also get to live in a time when the President of the United States of America is talking shit about a dead man—who many consider to be An American Hero—on national TV. like this shit is hilarious.

I’m already sick of Election 2020, because the only good scenario (Bernie) remains a long-shot, and the Time of Dipshit Thinkpieces is upon us all: the year before an election when unsubstantiated and/or preposterous claims can be made that will all be forgotten once a winner is declared in 20 goddamn months.

Trump has a better chance at re-election than I think most people think, which would be about as funny as him taking a dead John McCain to task if it wasn’t so goddamned sad.

13:30 / 20 March 2019
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The Hits Keep Comin’

Cover for Okonomiyaki I-IV

(even with multiple new works & various portfolio updates at hand, before undertaking new tasks for The Summer Abroad, I have another April release with a new EP titled after the Japanese pancake; the first song is the third song on Four-Color Process and can be heard here / more info to come)

00:45 / 20 March 2019
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Part 3, or, Another
New Notebook

I’ve been writing an extraordinary amount in journals of late. Things that perhaps I would used to have posted to this or other online outlets but now am reluctant to.

The relationship between a web site and an audience has always been a give and take. For some time, though, in the late 90s and early 2000s when Personal Web Pages were a thing, the exchange was in genuine curiosity. Authors curious about a medium, audiences fascinated by the new, abrupt form of intimacy one can have with another. This is the web that I grew up in, the one this site is a relic of; it is not the web of today.

Today, the give and take is vacuous. A web site takes user data and the user receives a stimulus in proportion to how much the content has changed since the last time they visited the site. Shopping is the end game across the web. There are no more humans on the internet, only robots now; giant machines with smiling faces, printing money.

…all that, it makes me reluctant to be as forthcoming. to write the way I did was as much an act between myself and the medium as it was about the subject matter. now I keep it personal, but mostly to myself, on paper. Not to be archived or even seen by another pair of eyes, at least in this form; it feels calming.

00:30 / 20 March 2019
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about face

… personal logo development / i need new business cards

00:15 / 19 March 2019
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mute

i have lost my voice / it has left me wondering if i ever had one to lose, or if i was always just making sounds, impersonating the words and cadence of those who spoke around me, wrote down their thoughts or made conversation—i realize this is an opportunity, creatively and personally, to sharpen an edge, tho i feel nothing like a blade these days

one can drift surrounded by souls and still feel alone too easily in this world

18:30 / 18 March 2019
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