the pandemic diaries

as i have to push pause on a few projects, i've un-paused this one for the fascinating times we live in

3 04 2020 / 10:00

whatever, it’s friday at the end of the world, i’ll take an internet quiz

surprisingly on point, tho

common narrative arc is a tragic social outcast, seems right

3 04 2020 / 00:30

when, or if, this pandemic ends is a debate i don’t even want to get near.

however, at some point after the worst is over, there will be a point of reconciliation which terrifies me beyond any way a virus could. because it will be at that point that the people of this country unify apolitically to demand a system of social healthcare, or we can fracture completely and some will decide that the death toll from capitalism is worth maintaining it as america’s driving force.

everyone is pointing at graphs and saying the worst is still to come, but we’ll get through it. but to me the most terrifying part of these timelines is the space after all the curves fall back to zero: when the rhetoric starts and the american machine tries to start up again with its permanent state of finger-pointing and half-measures.

2 04 2020 / 17:00

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los angeles, january 2020

leica m6 / summicron 50mm / provia 100

1 04 2020 / 18:00

story time, since it’s a pandemic and this is sad.

growing up, i spent my summers with my dad in fairbanks, alaska. he lived in a cabin in the woods and so my days were finding ways to entertain myself. this was still in the early-mid 90s, so i didn’t really have any way to listen to music: we didn’t have cable TV or a computer, and i didn’t own anything but a couple green day cassette tapes. for a while, he had a cd collection, but it was stolen at some point, and the essentials were replaced (pink floyd, leonard cohen), but for the most part my days were silent.

we’d go grocery shopping at fred meyer, which is a large northwestern chain that is like any other multi-purpose home goods box store. he would shop, and i’d go to the electronics section where there was a headphone set-up and one could scan the barcode of any CD and get 30-second previews of the songs, the way amazon and streaming services do now. i would scan random cds and listen to whatever was new in the world, my own little personal dj. for 20 or 30 minutes i would just listen to 30 second song samples on random albums in the middle of this store. i can’t imagine what the clerks thought.

anyway, cut to sometime in 1996 when the new releases had the fountains of wayne self-titled debut and from the second i heard the intro to “sink to the bottom,” i was hooked. i listened to that 30-second sample hundreds of times over the course of that summer, and once i’d saved up enough money, it was one of the first CDs i bought.

adam wrote some other incredible shit, the that thing you do soundtrack is perfect and everyone loves “stacy’s mom,” but that first record was so profoundly important during another period of relative isolation in life, so i’m just gonna say thanks for all that.

1 04 2020 / 17:00

it’s strange how the worst that is going to happen has probably already happened, we’re just waiting to see the fallout.

it’s like how we look to the stars for guidance, not yet knowing which ones are already dead.

31 03 2020 / 13:00

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29 03 2020 / 18:00

though there are no family-gathering-style holidays going on, it is april fool’s day soon and i am genuinely intrigued as to what the prank will be that goes too far and then is inevitably uploaded to media

29 03 2020 / 11:00

strange for politicians to say we’re at war, but the birds in the trees are singing of spring

28 03 2020 / 19:00

kind of hilarious that 2020 was the first year in a long time where i planned things out more than 3 months in advance and wouldn’t you know right when it was all supposed to start the entire world grinds to a halt

27 03 2020 / 12:00

the flowers on the tree branches may as well be frost

26 03 2020 / 19:00

fifty billion euros for artists in germany, we have a bailout with stipulations for boeing

i keep telling myself it’s irresponsible to move during a pandemic but flights are so cheap and this country is so obviously a sinking ship

26 03 2020 / 13:00

snowboarding

took this on tahoe in 2011. i’d missed a turn or something, ending up on a severe trail with no exit. a cliff to one side, a wall of rock to the other, all the way down on a path no wider than six feet (and at some points, barely three). i have an incredible fear of heights, so a trail built for speed along a ledge is the last place i want to be in the world. when i took this photo i was legitimately wondering if i could live through what i was about to try.

times like this make me think of that ride. survival is focusing on what is directly in front of you while also keeping aware of where the turns are ahead. you can only see about 30 seconds in to the future. when you can stop being terrified long enough to breathe, it dawns on you that every part of your physical being is in pain. then the adrenaline kicks in again.

obviously i survived that ride, but barely. regrouping with friends at the bottom, i’ve never had so many people openly ask about my well-being. the physical maneuvering it took to get down, combined with my anxiety regarding the cliff i was facing the whole way, apparently i seemed near-death upon ordering a drink at the lodge. i certainly felt it.

right now we’re at the top of a mountain realizing how fucking taxing this trail is going to be on the way down.

26 03 2020 / 10:00

bernie sanders, yet again. absolute king.

25 03 2020 / 16:00

Midsommar

Queen and Slim

Uncut Gems

general isolation film watch so far: midsommar, queen & slim, uncut gems; all fantastic

25 03 2020 / 12:00

sd

social distancing